I’m looking forward to 2020.
Last year was good, for the most part. I didn’t get or do all I wanted, but as I heard a good ol’ boy say one time, we can always think about a whole lot more than we can get.
I greeted 2020 with anticipation, so much so that — using my uncanny power of perception — confidently predict that the Tigers will win the NCAA football championship game later this month.
That’s almost as profound as saying education is the best antidote to ignorance. No kidding, I really read that recently.
I thought about becoming an inventor as my New Year’s resolution. I already have a couple of ideas.
I spend time in the kitchen, especially since the very first supper my wife prepared after we were married. It was great, and I stuffed myself. Then I heard the three words that might be uttered in many marriages — “I cooked it.”
That meant I get to clean up the kitchen. Unless you always use paper plates, that includes doing the dishes. No big deal. I can tell you truthfully, it’s a better than good deal for me. It wouldn’t work out the other way around.
So I have some experience cleaning. Thus, I have invented the no-scratch, no-mark incredible Crevice ’n’ Crack Wizard. I could sell them by the box. They’re disposable (good for one use because they tend to fray), but each is custom-made and easily stored.
You know the little open ring around swivel faucets? No problem cleaning them with the Crevice ’n’ Crack Wizard. Just stick the pointy end in the opening and run it all the way around the joint. Clean as a whistle. Same thing for the circular indentation where the drain meets the sink.
You can use both ends to clean anything small that a brush can’t touch. And it’s biodegradable.
Never mind that the Wizard looks just like a round wooden toothpick. I’m telling you, this thing is revolutionary. I always keep a good supply close at hand.
Also from my fertile imagination comes the Tiny Space Super Scrubber. It has an ergonomic handle and bristles that are kitchen- and bathroom-friendly. It’s just right for getting rid of soap scum, toothpaste dribble and just about anything you accidentally drop on the countertop or all those crannies around a sink.
The Super Scrubber is also good for giving baseboard quarter-round a good cleaning, and it’s unbeatable for touching up around the toilet base.
Can’t seem to sufficiently clean the gutters on your vehicle, especially the trunk or lift gate, because of hinges and electrical wiring? Your troubles are over with the Super Scrubber.
Most of my current models have plastic handles, but if you’re trying to wean yourself from plastic, wooden handles are available.
I only have to get around the problems of marketing the device since it has a striking resemblance to an old toothbrush.
Seriously, sometimes tools are where you find them, and all of us are MacGyvers from time to time. Of course, we Southerners have a penchant for duct tape and any kind of wire that might be on hand.
I prefer a MacGyver comparison to Mr. Haney on “Green Acres.”
My wife does appreciate how well I can clean her much-used colanders. The Crevice ’n’ Crack Wizard is just the right size for rooting out the little holes. And it works on sifters, too, but don’t push too hard. A sifter or strainer with bigger holes in the mesh will provoke “The Look.”
You can turn lots of common stuff into tools with a little imagination combined with a bit of experience. I am reminded that I should not be so proud of myself that I say I’ve invented the Tiny Space Super Scrubber.
In reality, I’m about on par with monkeys, birds and beavers and bears.
What I really need to do in 2020 is not stuff the trunk of my car with all the things I hope I never need. I can hardly leave the house without looking like Tom Joad going down the road. Remember him? “Grapes of Wrath”? Looked a lot like Henry Fonda.
Happy New Year.